As We Are
by CrackedMetal
Summary: Buffy makes a different choice at the end of season 6 episode "As We Were". How I would have liked Buffy's revelation of her actions to be handled. Spuffy. Fluff. One-Shot.


**A/N So i have not written fanfiction in years but I've been re-watching Buffy and about a billion story ideas have popped into my head and are begging to be written. So this is the first of probably a few that I will be writing.**

 **Enjoy. Thanks for reading and please take the time to review.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Summary: Alternate ending to season 6 episode "As You Were". Buffy has a different realisation at the end of the episode and it leads to revelations on both her and Spikes parts. One scene rewrite. One Shot. Spuffy.**

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Spike heaved a deep sigh and threw down the piece of wood he had been looking at helplessly as the blonde entered the downstairs area of the crypt. He had thought her return would have taken longer. Clearly the appearance of an ex had brought out the desperation early this week. His thoughts were bitter and hurt when he turned to acknowledge her.

"So she's back. Thought you'd be off snogging with soldier-boy."

She shifted awkwardly on the spot, not meeting his eyes when he turned them on her. "He's gone."

"So, you've come for a bit of cold comfort?" There was no happiness in his tone. Only resignation and just a hint of defiance. He liked to pretend that he could tell her to piss off at any time; like he still had any will power left when she came calling for… whatever this was. "The bed's a bit blown up. But then, that was never our-"

"I'm not here to…' She paused, swallowing the petty anger she felt at his inane comment. That wasn't why she was here. She wouldn't let this become another pointless, childish argument between them. "And I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you."

"So-"

"I need to say something… and I need you to really listen because I mean every word." She held his gaze as his eyes narrowed and head tilted in the way it always did when he was trying to figure her out or what to expect. He had thought he knew why she was here. When she had rejected his first offer he was sure she would be back to singing her old tune of telling him it was over because he was a monster… Now he wasn't so sure. There was something in her expression, a guardedness in her eyes that was paired with a softness he had rarely seen pointed in his direction. In fact the last time he recalled her looking at him like that she had told him she would never forget what he had done for the Niblet after the hell-bitch had beaten him within an itch of his unlife.

Curious and more than a little afraid of her words and the damage they both knew she could do, he nodded, urging her to continue.

"First of all… I need to thank you." His eyebrows shot up in surprise. That had definitely not been something he had expected.

"I said I should have known, that the scheme was so much like you. It was, and Spike, it was the wrong thing to do. But I still understand why you were doing it. You wanted to help, and given that you know me well enough to know that had I found out I would have been fairly pissed off, you had to have known that doing this would have risked me ended this… what we've been doing." He didn't say anything but his gaze lowering to the floor and the scuff of his boot on the floor confirmed her suspicion. "Which means that you mostly did this for Dawn. I don't know everything that happened while I was gone but I do know you took care of her, more than anyone. Willow freely admitted that you were the one that was there whenever she and Tara couldn't be. And I know that she misses you. So really, while I _always_ disapprove of your methods, I need to say thank you, for doing whatever it takes to make sure she is looked after."

Spike nodded again, unsure of what to say. But he knew her and knew there was more to come, so he figured staying silent was the best option. Knowing him he would make some smartass comment and make her angry again anyway so best to stay quiet while they were heading in such an unusually pleasant direction.

Buffy swallowed and looked away, fists clenching and unclenching by her side in a moment of silence where she visibly collected herself to continue. "I want you, we both know that by now. Being with you ... makes things ... simpler. For a little while."

Nervous energy built in him as with this turn of conversation he felt as though the possibility of her stopping their "relationship", if he could even call it that, seemed to become once again more likely. As much as it killed him knowing that he was convenient to her and nothing more, that pain was nothing compared to what he would feel if she said here and now that they were done. He couldn't help himself and burst out in an attempt at humour.

"I don't call five hours straight a little while."

She gave him an admonishing look but continued nevertheless. "I'm using you. I'm just being weak, and selfish and it's killing me." Spike frowned in confusion, her words sounding more emotional than ever but not in the way he had been expecting. Perhaps he was being desperately optimistic but this didn't feel like a rejection. He stepped forward, inwardly rejoicing when she didn't retreat.

"Pet, it's not like I've acted the best either. Trying to pull you into my darkness, trying to tell you that you don't belong in the light." He stepped again, bringing him to stand directly in front of her and slowly raised his palm to meet her cheek. Though he didn't quite understand where she was going with this visit, he could see tears welling just slightly in her eyes and wanted to do anything to stop them from appearing. More than anything he never wanted to be the reason she cried. "It's utter bollocks love. I was being selfish, wanting whatever I could get… you deserve better than darkness."

He went to turn away, expecting her to leave and for it to be done but right as his palm slipped from her skin he felt strong fingers pulling him back and her body stepping closer into his space, her hand now holding his to her face and her eyes shining even more brightly than before.

Her move had brought them closer again and she forced her eyes back to his searching gaze.  
"So do you, William."

He blinked. His fingers quivered under hers. Then he went still.

He waited.

"I've been just as selfish as you have ever been. I know that you love me and I have used that to my advantage to bring myself comfort, regardless of what it's been doing to you. And it's my fault you started acting that way… like the old Spike. When I came back you were different, kinder. I started using your love for me to stop my darkness consuming me. Of course you would try to bring that darkness out. I've been so unkind, so heartless. Why should I expect any better from you?"

She gulped down her tears and while Spike wanted to object, to tell her how she had acted was understandable because of her pain, he couldn't deny how much he had suffered since she had returned. Brought on by not only her lack of regard for him, but also the Scoobies who he had genuinely thought had accepted him as a comrade, if nothing else, while Buffy had been… away.

Her tiny hand finally left his and his palm fell instead to her waist, just resting there. He was far too unsure of everything to make any sort of move but to stop touching her in that moment felt so wrong he couldn't have completely removed his hand even if he had wanted to. Neither did hers stay stationary. They rose to clench at the lapels of his duster, making the leather whine under the strength of her grip. Usually he would complain but in that moment he couldn't care less about what became of his old, trusty coat, as long as she wasn't running from him she could do whatever she bloody well liked.

"It's killing me," she repeated, "and I can't do it anymore." Her gaze had fallen at some point, eyes meeting his chest, nose almost pressed into his shoulder from how close they now stood. But she returned her attention to his eyes now. "We have to change, both of us. I've been so unkind to you William," hearing his true name again sent a pleasant jolt through him and he hoped he would be hearing more of it from now on. "And that isn't how you treat someone you care about."

Silence reigned in the crypt. Spike was unsure as to if she was expecting some sort of response from him. He shuffled slightly and brushed some stray hair away from her face.

"Buffy, I need you to help me out here… what does this mean?" God, he hated sounding like such a right ponce but he needed clarification more than anything. They had royally messed this whole thing up until this point and he agreed with her. It had to be different now. He just wasn't sure whether they both wanted the same sort of 'different'.

"It means that… I want to try Spike." Her voice quivered and her own words terrified her. But looking into his face, she knew how much they meant to him and the hope shining out at her was breathtaking. She knew that she was doing the right thing and prayed that Riley's words proved true. The clock keepings ticking and the world keeps turning. Maybe this was her turning point, she was reaching the end of the tunnel where the light had been shining so distantly for so long. Now it was right in front of her and for once she knew exactly what to do. "I don't love you." His expression dimmed somewhat and he again tried to step back, held in place only by her hands still wrapped in his coat.

"But I could…. I will." His breath caught in his throat and though he technically didn't need to breathe he suddenly felt he was suffocating… in the best possible way.

"I'm not afraid anymore. I know what I want my life to be. And I know that I want you to be a part of it. Since I came back, you have been the one thing to get through to me. To help me."

She stopped and considered her next words. Then her expression eased a bit and the tension drained out of her. Her tone became lighter and more casual and her old Buffy-ness seemed to return to her body and eyes. "So; tomorrow I'm going to tell everyone that we are seeing each other. If anyone has a problem with it then I'll talk about it with them. But it won't change my mind no matter what they have to say. Oh! Tara already knows by the way." His eyes widened at that, thinking back to the birthday party and how mockingly amused she had seemed at seeing them together rather than the surprise or horror he might have anticipated.

"Bloody sneaky witch."

The comment earned him a playful smack on the shoulder. "Hey, be nice to her. I can almost guarantee that if not for Tara, you and I would be having a very different conversation right now. Excluding you, I think she has been my biggest support lately."

"Well, remind me to thank Glinda then. Always did like that bird."

The release from such a heavy handed conversation was a welcome relief to both of them and the feeling of something new being on the horizon made Buffy feel something she hadn't felt in years… she felt giddy.

A silly smile overtook her and she couldn't help but run a hand through Spike's hair and reach up to kiss him.

It wasn't the deepest, nor the most passionate kiss they had ever shared, but he could say without a doubt it was his favourite. The gentleness of their arms around each other and the fact that this kiss wasn't leading anywhere, was merely a product of adoring happiness, made it clear the change of their relationship had already been set in stone and that Buffy was in no way going back on her words.

When they pulled away she stepped forward, erasing the tiny amount of space left between them and circled her arms around him, laying her head on his shoulder and smiling, sighing in peace as they stood wrapped in each other.

Spikes arms were firm and strong around the small woman in his arms, still shocked and disbelieving that this change had finally come. That the crumb he had asked for so long ago, had not only been offered but had come with a promise of a bright, brilliant future with the woman he loved. He knew how he had been acting lately was hateful and lewd, but no more. He had Buffy in his arms and in his heart and he would do whatever it took to keep her there as long as he continued to exist.

After a few moments her eyes opened and she really took in the room around them. "Jeez," her tone had turned joking and she pulled away enough to look up at him, "sorry for blowing up your crypt. It's a pity, that bed was comfy."

"How would you know, we were only in it for a second." He joked again, this time bringing a beaming smile to her face.

"Yeah well I'm gunna need another comfy bed… and for more than a second next time." She smirked at him and then pulled away, surveying the area quickly. "God it's a mess."

A spark lit in her eye and Spike had a sudden feeling of dread. "We need to go shopping!"

"Oh god just stake me now."

She cackled at him slightly, still running off the high that had invaded her system after finally telling him she had feelings for him and turning the corner, leaving the destructive and devastating part of their relationship behind.

She grabbed his hand and led him over to the ladder. "Come on."

"And where might we be going love? Doubt many furniture places are going to be open and even if they were, I somehow doubt either of us has enough cash for a lamp, let alone a bed."

"Duh Spike, don't be a doofus." He couldn't help but find this return of her more carefree side utterly and irresistibly adorable. Every second he seemed to love her more.

He was mid ladder-climb when he heard the words from above him.

"You are obviously going to come stay with us until we can fix this place up. It is my fault after all that it got so messed up."

He sped up the rest of the way and circled her to halt her advance out of the crypt.

"Stay with you? What about Niblet and Red?"

"I told you already, I'm going to tell them. Besides Willow hasn't had any problem with you in a long time and Dawn really misses you. She wants to see you and I want you to be there… with me." Her hands cupped his face and her thumbs stroked his cheekbones softly. She reached up and kissed him softly, lingeringly on his lips. "I'm not ready for you to not be by my side right now… not after today. Not after everything. I promise, everything is going to be different now… William." She smiled in a way that was only just too soft and brimming with emotion to be called a smirk, but it was close. She had obviously picked up on the reaction that name provoked in him.

She turned to continue walking and he stood still a moment longer.

"I love you Buffy."

The words were soft, reverent. He did not want or expect anything in return but felt more than ever that it needed to be said.

She turned to him and smiled, her gaze soft, emotions and promises swimming inside.

"I know."

She held out her hand and as he took it he had a feeling that the next time he said those words would be the day his love would be returned.

And it would be soon.

He would wait.

For her.

 **A/N Thanks for reading. This story in un-betaed so apologies for any spelling and/or grammar errors.**

 **Please review,**

 **CrackedMetal.**


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